I knew it all this time

“I knew it all this time” said the little boy. He was about 5 years old but his words sounded like the wisest and most accurate when I heard them. I stopped next to him and overheard his conversation with one of his parents. He was arguing about how he knew all this time something that made him really upset but he just realized that it was for real, probably he was talking about having to eat his vegetables before dessert but for me this had a lot more meaning. When I heard his words they echoed in my head, they stung my heart and made me realize that I was facing a similar situation, minus the vegetables of course,  but I was stuck in a ” I knew it all this time” kind of situation and the hurt I was feeling wasn’t due to the discovery of something but to realizing that I was right all this time and that what I though was all in my head was real.

This is why I stopped talking to you, this is why I wanted to end up things one day , i just got tired of making a fool of myself. And so I did, i told you that whatever this was was over .And we all know how that worked out, it was kind of terrible while it lasted, it was the worst month, i wanted to talk to you every single day but every time i wanted i thought of all the ways we had hurt each other and stopped myself. Until one day while i was reading a book i got really angry and sad at the same time because there was a couple fighting over something stupid and it was so frustrating to see how they were loosing each other, and that was when i thought of us. I didn’t want to loose you, to loose us, because you had become one of the greatest things in my life. I missed your smile, your sarcasm, your touch, your smell, your voice, basically everything about you, i felt like i was missing an arm or something, i just needed you. So against everything i had said before I texted you and opened my heart and just leaped.

I bet everything I have on us, on what I feel for you and on what I feel when I am with you. I know a lot of things have been wrong, but oh my! the good ones have been really good and those are the ones I want more of. I can’t get enough of good times with you, your company makes me feel at home and just being happy next to you is what I want.

I knew it all this time, this is more than a crush, I want to grow old with you, raise a couple of tiny human beings or maybe dogs who knows, travel the world, watch every good scary movie there is to watch, try at least one different kind of beer in every place we visit, support you in your dreams, watch how your eyes glisten when you talk about something that you love, hear your laugh when i say something stupid, cook something together, watch our favorite show or a new one together, just creating memories next to you is what I crave the most.



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